Birth story: Courtney and Prue, VIC

We are a same sex married couple: Courtney and Prue. We always wanted to have a family. It was never a question- we wanted to be mums. For us- IVF was our only option. Before we get into how our first child came into the world- these are some of the steps we had to go through to create her. -IVF consultation -Check-ups/blood work -2 mandatory counselling sessions to discuss the donor program and assess we fully understood the legality etc -Donor program: access to the donor sperm program in Victoria.

Each state is different. We don’t classify as ‘one family’ we are 2 families- so if we both wanted to use the same donor (which we have done) we both had to purchase/reserve his sperm. A man can only donate to ‘five families’ in Victoria. So, we are considered 2 families he has donated to. -laparoscopy/hysteroscopy -monitoring cycles/ovulations/menstruation -egg retrieval -embryo transfer (if you’re lucky and get to that stage) -Before we even had our very first egg retrieval it took about 6-7 months with the things you have to do first to actually get to the baby making stage. It’s quite a slow moving process, particularly as a gay couple or being in the donor program. Prue had spent 3 years trying to conceive via IVF- we had changed clinics, donors but sadly it just wasn’t working. She had some pre-existing fertility struggles that we only found out about once she tried to conceive (endometriosis and Adenomyosis) that were heavily impacting her egg quality. We didn’t know that prior to IVF- but some investigative surgery located significant Endo and Adenomyosis.

All over her uterus, ovaries and colon. The surgeon who located it was gobsmacked she had lived with it for so long or that she hadn’t been referred for laparoscopic surgery earlier. Sadly, multiple visits to GP’s at a younger age and even earlier fertility specialists- never explored it or investigated it. With 2 of her egg retrievals- 0 eggs made it to day 1 . The long term impacts of 4 unsuccessful retrievals had an emotional and physical impact. Prue had done everything imaginable (fertility diets, specialists, surgeries, specialised medications, vitamins, naturopaths, acupuncture, change of clinics, change of donor sperm. It hurt. Something she wanted so badly and it just wasn’t happening. So, we reassessed. Our end goal was a family, so we made the decision to try with Courtney and Prue again after she’d been given some time to recover from the toll of IVF and heartache. We had considered reciprocal IVF- (Prue carrying Courtney’s embryo) but Prue wanted to try again with her own eggs, at least once after she had given her body a chance to recuperate.

First, we would explore Courtney. Fortunately, Courtney fell pregnant on her first retrieval and first transfer. A bit bittersweet, but so, so exciting for both of us. We were having a baby. That’s all we ever wanted. The pregnancy itself was relatively uneventful until the 34 week scan. We went in and sometimes you can just sense it’s not good. The sonographer was unusually quiet. We got a phone call within hours of leaving and had to return to hospital. The baby was breech (this wasn’t a surprise- always had been) but it had be found that Courtney had oligohydramnios (low amniotic fluid). This meant the baby wouldn’t turn naturally and had zero chance of turning without the fluid. It also meant increased monitoring was required due to it impacting the babies chance to thrive due to decreased oxygen supply/nutrients getting to the baby through the umbilical cord. We went to the hospital and they mentioned all of these big words and medical terms and we just wanted to know the baby was okay.

It all happened quite quickly after that- met with our OB the next day, she discharged us to a gynaecologist who told us the baby had to be born via a C section. He booked us in for a c section at 37+4. We had previously Imagined the birth, what it may be like etc. We were realists though- and whilst an elective C section wasn’t part of the plan, we just wanted our baby healthy and if this was how it has to enter the world, then so be it. We just wanted a healthy baby. After meeting with the surgeon- we left the appointment knowing the day our baby would be born (if it remained healthy). What a surreal feeling. Knowing on a Tuesday in 3 weeks your baby is arriving. From then on, for 2.5 weeks, Courtney had to go to the hospital daily for monitoring scans to ensure the baby was still growing and thriving. It was all a little overwhelming. The staff/nurses were amazing. Cannot fault them.

We went to bed on Monday, May 24th, knowing that we were 2nd on the list for an ‘elective’ (we didn’t elect shit) c section. When we woke up- we looked at each knowing this is the last time we would stand in this house together as a couple. Next time we were home together we would have a baby. We cuddled for what felt like an eternity. A new, big change for our relationship. Parenting together. Raising our baby. We got in the car, bags packed and ‘checked in’. Within 40 minutes of getting set up in the room, changed, Courtney was wheeled down, alongside Prue to the surgical area.

The team, staff were amazing. The adrenaline started to kick in and it became quite real. You don’t picture your babies entry into the world being so surgical but it was what it was. We didn’t honesty care- we just wanted to meet our baby. Holding hands, within 7 minutes of having the epidural our baby was born. A girl. We didn’t know what we were having, so it was a lovely surprise. She was just perfect. Absolutely perfect.. She was handed to Prue and it was the most surreal thing- laying there (presumably getting sewn back together) whilst your wife is holding our little girl. That little thing you felt kicking and moving inside of you, out into the world as a real person. Our person. As a couple- we didn’t have huge birth plans. Our only plan was: healthy baby. However that looked- we would get on with it. We spent 3 days in hospital together before we started life back home as mums. Since our daughter’s birth we’ve had another 2 egg retrievals. Unfortunately, Prue’s retrieval resulted in 0 embryos so we decided to try reciprocal IVF (Prue to carry Courtney’s embryo). Courtney had another egg retrieval and the best embryo was transferred to Prue… And now… Prue is pregnant with our second baby- Due January 2023. So, we now prepare for another baby. We cannot wait. We feel incredibly fortunate. IVF can be truly traumatic for so many couples and individuals. Something they want so badly, and it’s just not working for them. It’s such a draining, isolating, emotionally and physically taxing process, private and heartbreaking thing to go through. Whilst some couples do get some great results (baby) it’s still something that is really hard to go through. No one can really understand what IVF is like unless they’re going through it. It took us 6 egg retrievals, god knows how many needles and easily $80,000 to have our daughter and unborn child. Many other individuals and couples are still working towards their baby having endured so much more. We wish them nothing but the best. We see you. X